I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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