I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
