i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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