You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
