My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
