It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
