she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
