things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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