Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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