i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
