Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
