Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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