me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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