i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
try to milk me bitch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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