I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
