The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
