I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the day after is always just damage control
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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