She's JV to your varsity
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
