id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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