I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
