oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
