doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
