Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
