A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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