My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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