So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
