party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
now i know why i became what i already was.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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