Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
