By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
