we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
