I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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