Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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