just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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