just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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