Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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