The maid of honor just puked.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ok first of all what the fuck
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
