Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can I color on your dick again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
