Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
