That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
