I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
