$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
