I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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