I never want to see another naked old woman again.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
