im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
