Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
