I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
