if i can run in heels then i can drive
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
