I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
