I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
