Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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