how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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